Over the last few weeks I was faced with a choice: write my blog…or pass French
I chose to pass French
But I am back…even though technically I never left.
My life and McYummy have been an interesting assortment of events.
WWIII has been going splendidly. I thought it had ended and that my foes were finally in retreat…but some stubborn survivors have been grasping hanging on for dear life. I mean I don’t blame them. My kitchen is a pretty happening place. It’s where the food is made and as I heard fruit flies enjoy food…of course this is why I’m now refrigerating everything that isn’t canned. Now with the exception of bread…
Bread shouldn’t be refrigerated…a word to the wise
I think that my campaign for a Nobel Prize is just days away from being a success as I have made an incredible discovery!!
So you’re cooking chicken in a pan with nothing but a little oil and s&p and you’re thinking
Internal Monologue…great another delicious meal of chicken with absolutely nothing on it. Being healthy makes me feel so young and alive. Oh how I can’t wait for my hunger to be satiated by this plain chicken. How my taste buds await the sweet release of flavor.
And then it happened! ROSEMARY!!! OH MY GOD PEOPLE!!!!
My life has been changed…try it and yours will be too. I sense that this will become a worldwide phenomenon with tweets about it and a facebook fan page. People will add Rosemary Chicken into their interests on sparks in their Google+ accounts right between Lady Gaga and Potty Training Dogs.
So that is what has been going on in my life outside of McYummy ,which brings us to the meat of my blog…
THE WORK UPDATE
Can I first mention that I’m really into CapsLock today…not sure why. You’ll just have to bear with things being in all capitals sporadically throughout this post.
Work has been going really well. I don’t hate my job yet so this is the longest I’ve ever gone in a job where I haven’t thought of reasons why I need to quit. This could be due to many things.
1 - I keep looking at apartments in Chicago and realize that I’m going to need to save up serious cash
2 – I actually like the people I work with…something that has never happened before
3 – I’m not cleaning toilets or working as a minimum wage cashier or working for a mental dictator type boss who makes me fear all old people.
Things I have learned/observed
THING ONE : The Moment that you just…know….that you need to go to the bathroom
So this story may cross the line a little bit…however, I don’t care because not a single one of you who read my blog can say that you don’t understand this feeling.
So I’m trying to eat healthy and I had been basically living off of veggies, chicken and fruit. One day before work I thought I would be a good idea to have a steak. I needed some red meat in my life to give me energy.
Well here’s the thing about eating healthy…when you decide to “spice things up” your stomach does not appreciate the sentiment and thinks that an air raid must be occurring so your tummy starts a counter attack which results in the following incident.
My tables we going pretty smoothly, I was being sat at a rate that was easy to take care of and I felt like things were going on schedule.
Glurb glurb glurb (this is the noise my stomach is making…think backed up drain meets the loch nest monster)
Now by this time I had forgotten why my stomach could possibly be bothering me and conclude that I must be coming down with something.
I continue with my work but my pace greatly slows down. Sweat beads start forming all over my skin and I start to get dizzy. I’m starting to think that I must have the bird flu as I walk up to a table now drenched in my own sweat.
(Internal monologue in italics)
“Hi welcome to McYummy my name is Jacque and ill be serving you tonight…oh no…what can I get you guys started off with to drink…oh no oh no oh no…breathe breathe…not now”
Customer : “orders drinks while I’m thinking…ok ill just run to the bathroom after they order their drinks and then comeback and it’ll be fine…were actually ready to order now…shit shit shit shit”
“Well great! I am actually going to go…check…on something. But ill grab your drinks and ill be right back to take your order.”
I RAN to that bathroom! It reminded me of that scene in Bridesmaids where the bride is running across the street and she says “it’s not happening! It’s NOT happening….it’s happening” and sort of just collapsed to the ground.
That’s how I felt.
THING TWO: Friendships last a lifetime
So the hurricane and I are making great advances in our friendship and we are actually speaking full sentences to each other. I mean I would still bet hard money that if she got to choose to fire someone from staff she would most likely pick me.
But I knew that sometimes, even the most angry people, can be annoyed into submission by my sunshine type kindness.
THING THREE: SCANDAL
Something I learned at work the other day is that restaurants don’t proctor drug tests. As I was rolling silverware with Sandy she was asking me if I do pot which is a big thing here at IU. I was explaining to her that I don’t judge people for doing it but drugs are just not my thing because…
1) any person who has taken a psychology course with a drug unit and has SEEN the pictures of ones brain after drug use…must be verifiably insane to go out and do them…its terrifying
2) One of the things I don’t understand about Theatre/Music people doing drugs especially pot which you smoke is that HELLO…our livelihood rests on having a healthy voice and lungs.
3) I have asthma and would probably die
4) I once went to a party where some people started doing it…I walked into the party…smelled the room…and then proceeded to go home about 5 minutes later and showered as many times to try to get the smell out of my hair just from walking into the house…if you have never smelled pot before I think I would equate it to a mixture of horse manure and agony
Anyway, I’m not trying to lecture you to not do drugs. Go ahead do it…ruin your voice…that will be one less person I have to worry about taking the role of Cathy in the revival of The Last 5 Years one day from me.
So Sandy let me in on the scoop. Apparently wherever you go most servers are major potheads. I don’t know if this is true in every city or just b-town. But because everywhere else requires drug tests, all the druggies want to work in the food industry.
Needless to say… After my spiel about the bad things that drugs do…I have not been invited to any work parties…which is fine, by me.
THING FOUR: Little Girls Little Girls
The most adorable girl I have ever seen and her family came in during my most recent shift at McYummy. This also broke my heart.
She looked like what I imagine Ariel from the little mermaid did as a child. She is definitely going to be a heartbreaker when she grows up. She was around 8-10.
So I greet their table and she smiles at me and says
“Mommy…she has the same hair as me!!”
I smile back and when I bring out the drinks she compliments the flower in my hair. I serve the other tables around me and she keeps staring at me and smiling. So I keep checking my face in the mirror because I am convinced that there must be something on my face or in my teeth.
The family’s food comes out and as I’m placing down the food the little girl looks up at me and says with the biggest smile in the world.
“I like girls do you?”
Her parents stop in their tracks in horror staring back from me to her and back to me not sure what to do. I smile and bend down next to the girl putting my hand on her shoulder and say
“all the best people do sweetie”
Her parents gave me a smiling nod of a thank you and I stood back up to see the little girl looking up at me puckering her lips. I wasn’t sure how to respond to her without hurting her feelings and so I said
“high five!” And gave her little hand a high five
She was so sweet it made me want to cry that her parents were so scared when in actuality they have a daughter who at even such a young age, knows exactly who she is. I was impressed.
Before they left the girl came running to me in the middle of the aisle and gave me the biggest hug.
AND the parents gave me a $15 dollar tip…which is always a good thing
THING FIVE : PROJECT
My last thought of the day is that I don’t understand how people expect you to hear them when they whisper.
I don’t understand why people think it is acceptable to whisper their order.
It’s rude.
I used to get in trouble with my parents for being too loud. But I would much rather have someone boisterous whose order I could actually HEAR then a mouse who I have to have repeat their order 3 times.
Moral of the story, when you order food at a restaurant…speak up because whispering will just get you the Cajun Chicken instead of the Fried Shrimp that you wanted.
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