My Derrière

When I started working at McYummy I got in trouble because I hadn’t bought non-slip shoes yet. The kitchen can get really slippery and since you’re carrying around trays with 50+ pounds of food you REALLY don’t want to fall on your derrière (that means butt however I think it sounds nicer in French).

First of all can we discuss non-slip shoes? They are ugly; there are no cute non-slip shoes, which is really disappointing. They all look like someone who has never looked at a fashion magazine or feet for that matter designed them.

Secondly, they are really comfy so I’m quite ok with my purchase. It’s like walking on two really ugly pillows.

Thirdly, non-slip shoes are a joke. I have had more cases of almost falling on my
derrière since buying these shoes then I did wearing my black lace up vans. Personally, I think a better option would be to have carpet in the kitchen area and then we wouldn’t have this problem.

GARLIC BREAD

Thursday night was dead and started off with the garlic bread lady. The first hour of my shift I had one table. It was this middle aged woman who came in with all of her mail and ordered a sweet tea, a bowl of soup, and a piece of garlic bread.

After receiving her piece of garlic bread she informed me that

GBL : “This is NOT to my liking, you can either get me a new one or remove my entire bill”

So I went and ordered another piece of garlic bread for her even though they are pre packaged and so they are all the exact same. I came back with take two and she still was not pleased with her bread.

I tried to explain to her that no matter how many new ones we tried they would all taste the same. This apparently was unacceptable to her and so I went off for take 3,4,5 and then take 6 of garlic bread. I had the manager take off the .50 cents for the bread and shockingly enough piece #6 was to her liking even though every piece is the exact SAME.

So that was an hour of my life….she tipped me a dollar….great I won’t spend it all in one place.

Literally that’s the only interesting story from Thursday. However, all the fun stuff happened on Friday and that’s what the meat of today’s entry is about

Happy Families

I love getting tables of people I get along with. Where we feel like friends. Each night I get at least 2 tables where I really feel like I’ve connected with my guests and brightened their evening.

Not that the rest of my tables see me as Wednesday Adams…just that sometimes you just connect with people and are really able to predict their needs. I like these people because they say things to me like

“People should take lessons from you” – Blonde woman who I brought her a fresh drink as she was taking her last sip from her current one

“It’s so nice to have a server who will answer our questions and not rush us out” – Old Man asking about desert options

I enjoy people telling me how wonderful I am. It’s my favorite part of my job.

Regulars!!

On the same note as above the most amazing thing happened to me on Friday. A new table came in and as I took these peoples order I knew that I had seen them before. The couple definitely looked familiar but when the little girl laughed I KNEW that I had served them before.

THEY REMEMBERED ME TOO!!!!

I have regulars. I was really excited about this! I had this couple on one of my very first shifts and I remember their little girl because she laughed manically at everything I said and I thought two things

1) She is a cute as a button

2) I wonder if I was that insane as a child and I’m sure my mother would say yes. I have a Halloween home movie where I was tinkerbell hitting my feet on the counter to make the little bells on my shoes ring and I just laughed over and over. But then again I probably was OD’d on sugar.

Food Confusion / Shocking Tips

I’m putting these two things together because one of the related stories belongs in both of these categories.

I love when I get a tip from a table that I assume is going to leave a bad tip.

I mean this in the least discriminatory way. But when trucker dads stop in with their sons for the weekend they don’t tend to leave the best tips because they are already spending so much trying to feed their two hungry boys. But one dad came in and when he left I had a $15 dollar tip on the table and I thought…wow some people in this world are really amazing.

Some people…aren’t amazing. Every night you are going to have one bad table. It comes with the territory. It usually happens while some other table LOVES you.

And usually this is during the middle of the rush.

I had three tables, two of which thought I was delightful and great while the third just didn’t like me. The problem with the restaurant being packed is that things in the kitchen get crazy. People are screaming at each other and it is chaos.

My tables’ food came out before their appetizer and I apologized profusely to them but I knew that they were not happy. I tried to make up for it by bringing around extra drinks and being available to bring them any extra sauces or sides that they needed.

I thought I had rectified the situation until desert time came around. They wanted to know what shooters we had. I explained to the couple that they were thinking of Applebees because that’s who has desert shooters (also so does the Olive Garden and if you ever want to have a small desert that isn’t going to kill your aortic pumps get their chocolate mousse…it will change your life).

They looked through the menu searching for the shooters even though I told them we didn't have shooters.

I asked the manager if we had them in the past and he said no so I was positive that they had to be thinking of another restaurant and so I suggested our other desert options.

This resulted in me being reprimanded by this table because apparently it is my fault that we no longer have the desert shooters that we never had in the first place.

They left a 3-dollar tip…I was surprised…I was expecting nothing at all.

The Truck – The Truck – The Truck is on FIRE!!!!!!

It’s close to closing and a woman comes in and informs me that there is a large log in the back of one of the trucks outside and that it is on fire.

Yes I said on FIRE. I had my manager check out the situation and the log was in fact on fire. This is not the crazy part of the story….this is…

My manager returns inside and finds the owner of the truck sitting at the bar

Manager : Excuse me sir? Do you happen to own a green pick up truck?

FireBoy: Yes I do

M: Well it looks like the log in the back of your truck is on fire

FB: it’s not on fire

M: No, I just looked at it. Your truck is starting to catch on fire

FB: I don’t believe you

M: Please come take a look at it yourself

FB: My truck is not on fire

M: Except that it is and you should probably go fix it

FB: (goes outside…. returns) yep my truck is on fire…I’m gonna finish my beer first and then ill deal with it. I threw a tarp over it to handle the situation till I get back.

Welcome to Indiana folks

The end of the night

I hate being last cut because that means you don’t get to go home till around midnight and by then you are so exhausted that you don’t want to do anything but sleep.

Here are my 3 thoughts on the end of the evening procedures.

FIRST - While I hate being the last cut. I love being the last cut on Friday nights because the entire restaurant is staffed which means that by the time it finally gets to my section to be cut there is maybe one thing of back work to do.

I hate back work. I would pay someone to do my back work for me if I was rich.

SECOND – I have never eaten after my shift because I have never really been hungry after working on my feet for 7 or 8 hours. I usually don’t even want to look at food…let alone spend the money that I just worked my derrière off to earn on a burger. However Friday night I was starving and we get 50% off when we’ve just gotten off duty. You want to feel something glorious…don’t eat for 12 hours and of those 12 work hard labor for around 7.5 and when you take a bite into the 4 dollar burger …it’s a religious experience

THIRD – At the end of the night you tip out 1% of your sales (which you take out of your tips) to your bartender and to your QA (the person who assembles your food). There isn’t always a QA, just on really busy nights. I always tip my QA well because if it weren’t for them I would have my derrière handed to me on a platter. They get all your food ready with all of its side dishes and everything and make sure that if you are out taking an order that someone takes the food out to your table. If you are back in the kitchen you can just scoop up the tray that is already assembled with your food ready to go.

I hate tipping the bartender though. I always get tables of families who don’t drink which is fine. While I feel that it is important to tip the bartender when you are making alcohol sales…I don't like it when I haven’t sold a single alcoholic drink all night long. I really resent giving 3 dollars to someone who did nothing for me all night.

The Most Important Thing You Will Ever Learn About Serving

Improv

Improv is the most important skill when being a server. I see the panic on people’s faces when they mess up and they don’t know what to do. It’s those moments when I am so eternally grateful of my acting experience.

So when I pass by the table and the lady who asked for a bowl of lemons about 7 minutes ago hails me over and asks where they are I wont say

“oh my god I’m so sorry I forgot ill go get them” which is what the rest of my colleagues say

I pull lines out of my derrière, since i did in fact forget, and say (this actually happened on Friday)

“Of course! Trust me I haven’t forgotten about you! We actually ran out of sliced lemons and so I put an order into the kitchen for them to slice some new ones. I am so sorry about the wait though. Let me go see what’s taking them so long and if they haven’t finished yet, then I’ll just slice them up myself”

So then I went into the kitchen…sliced up the lemons myself and returned

“I decided to just do it myself I didn’t want you to have to wait any longer”

This is also the woman I mentioned earlier who said

“People should taking serving lessons from you”

yes they should....improv my friends...improv

All Sorts Of Fun and Games

There comes a moment in ones life where one must make a decision.

Over the last few weeks I was faced with a choice: write my blog…or pass French

I chose to pass French

But I am back…even though technically I never left.
My life and McYummy have been an interesting assortment of events.

WWIII has been going splendidly. I thought it had ended and that my foes were finally in retreat…but some stubborn survivors have been grasping hanging on for dear life. I mean I don’t blame them. My kitchen is a pretty happening place. It’s where the food is made and as I heard fruit flies enjoy food…of course this is why I’m now refrigerating everything that isn’t canned. Now with the exception of bread…

Bread shouldn’t be refrigerated…a word to the wise
I think that my campaign for a Nobel Prize is just days away from being a success as I have made an incredible discovery!!

So you’re cooking chicken in a pan with nothing but a little oil and s&p and you’re thinking

Internal Monologue…great another delicious meal of chicken with absolutely nothing on it. Being healthy makes me feel so young and alive. Oh how I can’t wait for my hunger to be satiated by this plain chicken. How my taste buds await the sweet release of flavor.

And then it happened! ROSEMARY!!! OH MY GOD PEOPLE!!!!

My life has been changed…try it and yours will be too. I sense that this will become a worldwide phenomenon with tweets about it and a facebook fan page. People will add Rosemary Chicken into their interests on sparks in their Google+ accounts right between Lady Gaga and Potty Training Dogs.

So that is what has been going on in my life outside of McYummy ,which brings us to the meat of my blog…

THE WORK UPDATE

Can I first mention that I’m really into CapsLock today…not sure why. You’ll just have to bear with things being in all capitals sporadically throughout this post.

Work has been going really well. I don’t hate my job yet so this is the longest I’ve ever gone in a job where I haven’t thought of reasons why I need to quit. This could be due to many things.

1 - I keep looking at apartments in Chicago and realize that I’m going to need to save up serious cash
2 – I actually like the people I work with…something that has never happened before
3 – I’m not cleaning toilets or working as a minimum wage cashier or working for a mental dictator type boss who makes me fear all old people.

Things I have learned/observed

THING ONE : The Moment that you just…know….that you need to go to the bathroom

So this story may cross the line a little bit…however, I don’t care because not a single one of you who read my blog can say that you don’t understand this feeling.

So I’m trying to eat healthy and I had been basically living off of veggies, chicken and fruit. One day before work I thought I would be a good idea to have a steak. I needed some red meat in my life to give me energy.

Well here’s the thing about eating healthy…when you decide to “spice things up” your stomach does not appreciate the sentiment and thinks that an air raid must be occurring so your tummy starts a counter attack which results in the following incident.

My tables we going pretty smoothly, I was being sat at a rate that was easy to take care of and I felt like things were going on schedule.

Glurb glurb glurb (this is the noise my stomach is making…think backed up drain meets the loch nest monster)

Now by this time I had forgotten why my stomach could possibly be bothering me and conclude that I must be coming down with something.

I continue with my work but my pace greatly slows down. Sweat beads start forming all over my skin and I start to get dizzy. I’m starting to think that I must have the bird flu as I walk up to a table now drenched in my own sweat.

(Internal monologue in italics)

“Hi welcome to McYummy my name is Jacque and ill be serving you tonight…oh no…what can I get you guys started off with to drink…oh no oh no oh no…breathe breathe…not now”
Customer : “orders drinks while I’m thinking…ok ill just run to the bathroom after they order their drinks and then comeback and it’ll be fine…were actually ready to order now…shit shit shit shit”

“Well great! I am actually going to go…check…on something. But ill grab your drinks and ill be right back to take your order.”

I RAN to that bathroom! It reminded me of that scene in Bridesmaids where the bride is running across the street and she says “it’s not happening! It’s NOT happening….it’s happening” and sort of just collapsed to the ground.

That’s how I felt.

THING TWO: Friendships last a lifetime

So the hurricane and I are making great advances in our friendship and we are actually speaking full sentences to each other. I mean I would still bet hard money that if she got to choose to fire someone from staff she would most likely pick me.

But I knew that sometimes, even the most angry people, can be annoyed into submission by my sunshine type kindness.

THING THREE: SCANDAL

Something I learned at work the other day is that restaurants don’t proctor drug tests. As I was rolling silverware with Sandy she was asking me if I do pot which is a big thing here at IU. I was explaining to her that I don’t judge people for doing it but drugs are just not my thing because…

1) any person who has taken a psychology course with a drug unit and has SEEN the pictures of ones brain after drug use…must be verifiably insane to go out and do them…its terrifying
2) One of the things I don’t understand about Theatre/Music people doing drugs especially pot which you smoke is that HELLO…our livelihood rests on having a healthy voice and lungs.
3) I have asthma and would probably die
4) I once went to a party where some people started doing it…I walked into the party…smelled the room…and then proceeded to go home about 5 minutes later and showered as many times to try to get the smell out of my hair just from walking into the house…if you have never smelled pot before I think I would equate it to a mixture of horse manure and agony

Anyway, I’m not trying to lecture you to not do drugs. Go ahead do it…ruin your voice…that will be one less person I have to worry about taking the role of Cathy in the revival of The Last 5 Years one day from me.

So Sandy let me in on the scoop. Apparently wherever you go most servers are major potheads. I don’t know if this is true in every city or just b-town. But because everywhere else requires drug tests, all the druggies want to work in the food industry.

Needless to say… After my spiel about the bad things that drugs do…I have not been invited to any work parties…which is fine, by me.

THING FOUR: Little Girls Little Girls

The most adorable girl I have ever seen and her family came in during my most recent shift at McYummy. This also broke my heart.

She looked like what I imagine Ariel from the little mermaid did as a child. She is definitely going to be a heartbreaker when she grows up. She was around 8-10.

So I greet their table and she smiles at me and says

“Mommy…she has the same hair as me!!”

I smile back and when I bring out the drinks she compliments the flower in my hair. I serve the other tables around me and she keeps staring at me and smiling. So I keep checking my face in the mirror because I am convinced that there must be something on my face or in my teeth.

The family’s food comes out and as I’m placing down the food the little girl looks up at me and says with the biggest smile in the world.

“I like girls do you?”

Her parents stop in their tracks in horror staring back from me to her and back to me not sure what to do. I smile and bend down next to the girl putting my hand on her shoulder and say

“all the best people do sweetie”

Her parents gave me a smiling nod of a thank you and I stood back up to see the little girl looking up at me puckering her lips. I wasn’t sure how to respond to her without hurting her feelings and so I said

“high five!” And gave her little hand a high five

She was so sweet it made me want to cry that her parents were so scared when in actuality they have a daughter who at even such a young age, knows exactly who she is. I was impressed.

Before they left the girl came running to me in the middle of the aisle and gave me the biggest hug.

AND the parents gave me a $15 dollar tip…which is always a good thing

THING FIVE : PROJECT

My last thought of the day is that I don’t understand how people expect you to hear them when they whisper.

I don’t understand why people think it is acceptable to whisper their order.

It’s rude.

I used to get in trouble with my parents for being too loud. But I would much rather have someone boisterous whose order I could actually HEAR then a mouse who I have to have repeat their order 3 times.

Moral of the story, when you order food at a restaurant…speak up because whispering will just get you the Cajun Chicken instead of the Fried Shrimp that you wanted.