I Will Not Cry At Work

I will not CRY
I will NOT CRY
I WILL NOT CRY!!!!

I refuse to cry at work
It will not happen!!

Unless of course I accidentally chop off an appendage in which case I feel like that would be a verifiable moment to cry.

So yesterday (or possibly two days ago depending on when exactly I put this up as it is currently 11:32 on Thursday evening and so this could easily end up going up technically on Friday)

So to clarify…on Wednesday I had my 4th day of training which was quite an emotional experience.

So at the end of each day you have to take a test on the food that you learned about that day. Each test is 100 questions and you must get 90 questions right to pass. Well…I had been doing splendidly but apparently on day three I got an 85. So when I showed up for work on Wednesday my trainer from Tuesday informed me of this and so I asked her if I needed to take it again and she said she didn’t know and had to ask the manager

PANIC!!!

I was freaking…if you don’t pass these tests you get fired. I mean I was going to be taken out of the game before I even went up to bat. So NOT ideal.

So the manager appears… lets call him … Daniel. He looks at me and wags his finger for me to follow him and we sit down at a table to go over the questions I got wrong verbally.

So I sit down…

Daniel : You know you have to get a 90 or better and this isn’t cutting it…are you not studying

Me (inside my head) : don’t cry…don’t cry…don’t cry…FUCK YES IM STUDYING I'VE SPENT ALL NIGHT EVERY NIGHT MAKING STUPID ASS NOTECARDS…don’t cry… TO STUDY FOR THESE STUPID TESTS ...don't cry ...90% OF WHICH CONSIST OF FOOD …don’t cry…THAT IS NO LONGER ON THE MENU!!!!!

Me (out loud): yes of course I’m studying I’m very serious about this

Daniel : (begins to ask me questions about what is in various margarita’s [there’s like 12] and what they taste like) Well why don’t you know what is in them…yummy cannot be used on every answer for this

Me (out loud): Well the margaritas were not in the study guide or in the menu that you gave to me to study. I mentioned this to you yesterday and the day before.

Daniel : Well so what do these alcohols taste like

Me (out loud) : I don’t know…like all tequila and various liqueurs taste like

Me (inside my head) : Seriously…I’m in trouble because I missed questions on things that you refuse to teach me about! I was unaware that being an alcoholic was a requirement of working at McYummy…no I have not tried all 100000000 margaritas with their various tequilas in them. When I go to McYummy for dinner I usually get the kids chocolate milkshake!!!

THIS IS RIDICULOUS …WHAT AM I DOING HERE…I’M IN THE WRONG STORY (obviously)

So we went through the various margaritas and verbally I gained back all of my points. Basically wasting 20 minutes of my life that I wish I could have back.

So day 4 continued quite well and moved on to today (day 5) my last day of training!!! I got a 96 on this test…YAY!!! So I am now an official server.

So here are my observations over the past 2 days of trainings

OBSERVATION #1: tips are surprising…people are mean
So when you are training you don’t get to keep any of the tips that you make from your tables. Your trainer does. WHICH SUCKS! However, when you are training you get paid min. wage as opposed to the 2.15 that your trainer is making so then you feel better about it

So I had 2 tables going at the same time
TABLE 1 was the Ugly Stepsister #1 and Ugly Stepsister #2… They weren’t particularly unattractive. (I mean to be honest they weren’t attractive either) But the “ugly” refers to their personality.
I seat them and I am jolly and happy and they look at me with disdain and ugly stepsister #1 says point blank “don’t try to be friends with us”

Ouch…

I mean I hadn’t even spilled food on her or anything. All I did was greet her and she said this. I did not throw a knife at her like I did on day three.

So I take their order and try to always fill all of their refills and get their food to them as quick as possible

TABLE 2
This was a big family. Mommy, Daddy, and their four children one of which was an ADORABLE little girl.

I treated these people like family. I was there every step of the way. They NEVER had empty glasses.

I even went all around the restaurant to find extra crayons for the little girls coloring book since she only had blue and yellow. I brought her green, red, orange, and purple.

Her family was elated at how good of service I was giving and how I entertained the children.

I mean we were like family. I figured they would name their next child Jacque after me and I would be the godmother
We’d go on vacation to Cape Cod and laugh and have great times
If in the event one of them died they would obviously leave their children to me
And it would be like one of those great movies where I wouldn’t know what to do at first and I would be horrible and have poop on me all the time
And then I would figure it out and get a job and have a parade in my honor followed by a big dance number to some epic 80's song

I was an AMAZING server!! They even told my boss how amazed they were at me (HAHA DANIEL!!!!)

I gave them extra chips and salsa to take home

I put a smiley face on their check

…

Table 1’s check was 20 dollars
Table 2’s check was 130 dollars

Table 1 gave me a 10 dollar tip on a 20 dollar check… that’s a 50% TIP!!! HOLY COW!! 50% from the not-so-ugly-anymore-stepsisters

Table 2 gave a 4-dollar tip
I know what your thinking…Jacque forgot to put a 0 on the end of that 4
NO I DIDN’T…I mean $4.00
Table 2 paid with 2 gift cards and a credit card. Well after using the gift cards they only needed to pay like 20 dollars with their credit card.
I was pissed…I mean I thought we were chums…family…and it was like they just informed me that no…I was no longer invited to the family reunion …

Apparently this happens all the time. People who pay part off with a gift card deem that they only need to tip the part that they used their own cash or card for.
Because obviously this man thought that his appetizers, entrees, and deserts for 6 people added up to 20 dollars….NOT

(yep definitely submitting this on Friday as it is …Friday as I finish writing this)

Well it happened again today. A family came in and ate 75 dollars worth of food. Used some gift cards and then only tipped 5 dollars.

THIS IS JUST RUDE

And if you are reading this and have done this…go wash your mouth out with soap…or have a time out on the naughty step as Super Nanny would tell you!!!

It is RUDE and unacceptable. Just cause you use multiple tenders to pay for a bill does not suddenly make it ok to tip like a little piece of poo!!!


OBSERVATION #2: new information
I learned today that the “chill area” is called the “ghetto”. I like this and from now on that ia what it will be called

OBSERVATION #3: Trays
I carried my first tray full of food today and I didn’t spill on anyone. Let me tell you I was very nervous about possibly dropping a skillet on someone’s face. I mean no one wants a 3rd degree burn from a Fajita. That’s not a great story
If you’re going to get a 3rd degree burn it should be from something cool like
You were one of the witches in “Macbeth” and in a moment of true connection with your character you felt that you needed to grab the dry ice in the cauldron with your bare hands and lift it out as a sacrifice of some kind
Much better then Fajita burn and my scenario would make an excellent Thanksgiving story…
“Oh Uncle Henry did you hear about how Susan got her 3rd degree burns... pass the gravy please!”

Also I’d like to mention how glad I am that in movement I was taught how to hold a food tray because it really helped!

OBSERVATION #4: Cooks can be mean

Look I get it…it must be frustrating to be in a country where everyone wants the illegal aliens out.

I respect that over time it must be frustrating cause I only imagine how long it took to dig a hole around the border using only a spoon.

But hey…I WANT YOU HERE! I am all for the illegal aliens. You take up jobs that I don’t want to do and you do them better then I would because lets be honest you are going to be much better at making Fajitas then I am.

I am not the enemy so I would appreciate it if you wouldn’t yell at me when I ask for French fries that aren’t cold. Its not my fault that the person at the table waited 25 minutes before actually trying her French fries.

I would also appreciate it if when you told me where you put the ancho chili ranch dressing you would tell me in English. I can barely handle learning French and I really don’t see myself become tri-lingual anytime in the near future. So when you yell at me that it is in the to-go window instead of the window it’s supposed to be in... Please do so in English!

I am your friend. I watch Dora the Explorer, You guys made big butts cool, and your food tastes awesome and I like the fiesta music you play in the kitchen

But when you yell at me you make it very difficult to follow my aforementioned rule : to not cry at work.

Thank you
…


So I guess now I’m a real server. Ready to take on the world one Fajita at a time.